Breaking Free from Breastfeeding Pressures: Why Listening to Yourself Matters
Becoming a mother is a journey filled with joy, wonder, and yes, challenges. One of the most contentious topics among millennial mothers is breastfeeding. While breastfeeding is often touted as the gold standard of infant nutrition, the reality is that it doesn’t always come easily or naturally for everyone. The pressures to breastfeed can be so overwhelming and often lead to so many mothers feeling like failures if they struggle or choose not to breastfeed at all.
At some point we’ve all been here. Breast feeding is hard, and while it maybe a beautiful experience for some, the reality is that it isn’t that way for everyone.
When I delivered my first, I remember how paranoid I was about breast feeding, but also how naive I was to think it is simple and nature will take its course. That’s the thing right, the picture painted is of you delivering this child and immediately lactating and it all being so beautiful. The truth is very different. While I lactated well, I just did not enjoy the process initially. I was in pain, my breasts would be engorged and I would leak everywhere if I missed pumping. I was sore to say the least and exhausted beyond words. The thing is no body tells you about this side of breast feeding. Nobody talks about it and that’s what makes it so scary when you go through it. And while I did feed both my boys for a year, the experiences with each of them was so different. With my first, I was scared and always second guessing my instinct and I was so worried about what people would say. With my second I used a combination of both breast milk and formula post 6 months and pumped and gave the bottle early on. But just doing what worked for us was so liberating.
What we are always told is that breast feeding is the way. The only way. So now if you find it tough, you seem weak, if you need to supplement with formula you feel inadequate and if you just physically and emotionally cannot, you feel like a failure. The pressure society places on breast feeding is something I just really wanted to address.
Like I said, with my first, breast feeding was just simply not something I enjoyed from the get go. I suffered from postpartum depression ( a topic I will address another time ) and I was just lost. But I put so much pressure on the need to breastfeed my child that I was sleep deprived, depressed and out of control. Every time i wanted to or needed to supplement with formula, I would just cry because my mind would be consumed by thoughts of inadequacy, that I am not being a good mom.
With my second child being born within two years, I knew I needed to change the narrative for myself and that was the most liberating thing I did for myself. I told myself just this ‘they are my children, and only we decide what works for us!’ . Tuning everyone out let me become the mom I needed to be to both my very young babies. Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup mama!
Breastfeeding is portrayed as the ultimate measure of maternal love and dedication. From well-meaning family members to online forums, the message is clear: "Breast is best." While it’s true that breastfeeding offers numerous health benefits for both mother and baby, the emphasis on breastfeeding can sometimes overshadow the mental and emotional well-being of mothers. So here’s how I’d like to break it down for moms our there looking for support.
Listen to yourself
As mothers, we have an innate sense of what is best for our children. Trusting our instincts and listening to our bodies is crucial. Whether you breastfeed, pump, use formula, or a combination, what matters most is that your baby is fed and loved. Every mother-child relationship is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s okay to seek support and advice, but ultimately, the decision should be yours based on what feels right for you and your family.
Bonding goes beyond breastfeeding
The bond between a mother and her baby is formed through countless moments of love, care, and nurturing. While breastfeeding can be a special time of closeness, bonding is notrestricted to feeding methods. Bathing, cuddling, singing lullabies, and simply being present are all opportunities to connect with your little one. The quality of the bond is not determined by how your baby receives nutrition but by the love and attention you give.
The stigma around Formula
Formula feeding often carries an undeserved stigma. Modern infant formulas are carefully developed to provide essential nutrients that support healthy growth and development. Formula feeding can offer flexibility, allowing partners and caregivers to participate in feeding routines and provide valuable bonding opportunities for everyone. Choosing formula over breastfeeding or in most cases using both in combination does not make you any less of a loving or capable mother.
Find the right support group for you
Navigating the world of infant feeding can be daunting, but you are not alone. So seek out supportive communities both online and in your local area where you can connect with other mothers who understand and respect your choices. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you, regardless of how you feed your baby. Together, we can create a culture of acceptance and support where all mothers feel empowered to make the best choices for themselves and their families.
As mothers, we face unique challenges and expectations, but we also have the power to redefine what it means to be a "good" mother. Let’s prioritize our mental health and well-being, recognizing that a happy, healthy baby and a confident, supported mother are the ultimate goals. Whether you breastfeed, formula feed, or use a combination of both, you are doing an amazing job. Trust yourself, follow your instincts, and embrace your own unique journey.
From a mama who hears you.
- Veronna D